I feel a draft

Yesterday was the No Pants Subway Ride, an annual event organized by an improv comedy troop where people ride the subway in their underwear. I actually think it's a brilliant and hilarious idea, but I have a feeling if I was actually on the subway with pantsless dudes it wouldn't be all that hot and sexy. There's no rule that says you actually have to a) have a good body or b) wear clean underwear to participate.

When the shit goes down, you better be runnin'

Last night a woman was shot in the neck just around the corner from my apartment by her angry ex-boyfriend. It happened around 11:30pm. Luckily, I wasn't anywhere near here at that time. I'll remind everyone, I live in a "fancy" part of town. Also, the only reason I knew this even happened was because I read it on Gothamist.

And the crazy shall inherit the Earth

It's that time of year where every crazy person in NYC wants to preach about Jesus. Yesterday, I got on the subway and a guy was shouting absolute gibberish about Jesus. The next thing I know he changes gears to talking about Mike Tyson; two subjects with a lot in common of course. I mean, I'm pretty sure Jesus had a face tattoo and beat the shit out of people for money. So, pretty much nothing this guy said made sense but I did almost pee myself when, in reference to Mike, he kept saying, "I love me some big ones. I love the big ones." over and over again. I guess me and this guy have something in common after all.

UHO Labeled a Scam = Duh!

For as long as I can remember, there have been homeless people in NYC collecting money on behalf of UHO, the United Homeless Organization. They're the guys with a folding table and sad water bottle with UHO taped to the front. They usually say something like "just a penny to help the homeless," and can barely get that sentence out without slurring because they're drunk or in withdrawal. If you asked them what the UHO does to help the homeless, they wouldn't be able to answer the question. One of these guys even called my then boyfriend a fag because he didn't give him money. Overall, they're a delightful bunch.

So, it comes as no surprise that UHO has been revealed as a scam. What is surprising is that it took so long to expose them!! Andrew Cuomo filed a lawsuit against UHO last year and just now received a court order requiring them to stop soliciting people for money immediately. The "non-profit" was charging homeless people $15-$25 to rent the water bottle and table for four hours and then the homeless would directly pocket any money given to them.

Bad Santa

Nothing says Christmas in New York like a department store Santa taking a piss on the street. Thanks to my friend Roger who snapped this picture.

The Winter of My Discontent

During winter in New York, every indoor space is either jungle hot or Arctic cold. What I wouldn't do to live in a home with central air! Then, I could actually control the temperature of my own home. Then, I wouldn't have to seal up my window in plastic because if I took the air conditioner out of it, there would be no place to put it. Then, I wouldn't have to deal with a radiator that bangs louder than the cast of STOMP. And, I wouldn't have to run a humidifier all the time because without it I wake up with a soar throat and bloody nose. Sometimes I feel like Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors. All I want is a house with some grass where I can sit and eat TV dinners with my nuclear family.

I escaped...for a while

It's been a few weeks since I've updated the blog, but that's because I managed to escape this cesspool for a few weeks. Good lord did I need to get out here! I was in Punta Mita, Mexico for a week on business, then Syracuse for business/pleasure for a few days, then Massachusetts for Thanksgiving with the family. Punta Mita is a total paradise, even though it was work, my trip was filled with fabulous sunset cocktails, five-star hotel service and even a whale sighting. I got to see much of the Finger Lakes region of New York with my uncle. We had a great time driving from town to town stopping at farm stands for apple butter and cider, sipping apple vodka at a distillery and browsing through charming mom and pop shops. Thanksgiving was full of family food and more food and the obligatory trip to the outlet mall for some shopping. I've put the suitcase away and am staying put for at least a month so fear not! I'll have some horrid crap to write about soon.