The Second Ave Subway: Opening 2000 Never

When my father was just a boy growing up in Borough Park, Brookyln, the Second Ave Subway project began. My dad is just a few years away from retirement now, and I live an avenue over from the Second Ave. subway construction. The MTA has had decades to get this project right and yet I guess it never occured to them that perhaps blasting holes in the middle of the road with dynamite might not be so good for anything - people, business and and homes - on Second Ave. Tennants are actually being made to evacuate their homes and put up in hotels because the blasting has made buildings so unstable. Now I ask, while the idea of a Second Ave. subway sounds amazing, I've lived here for 10 years without one and managed just fine. Is it really necessary to go ahead with the project if it means destroying every business and home on the street along the way? I'm going to say NO! The express bus works just fine.

Chase is a pretty shitty bank...literally

This just cracks me up. Someone left a huge pile of horse poop in the vestibule of the Chase Bank on Second Ave. and 10th St. I'm wondering if this has something to do with people angry with the gentrification of the East Village. Where the bank now stands used to be the famous Second Avenue Deli, which had to close because the landlord jacked up the rent.

I look friendly, even when I'm barfing.

I had the great misfortune to come down with some nasty food poisoning this weekend, which I think may be from a funky steak at Outback (that's what I get for being a New Yorker and eating at a chain restaurant) or the cheap-ass nasty hot dogs at Gray's Papaya. What's worse is I started to feel ill right in the middle of a Broadway show. I somehow made it through the whole show without tossing my cookies, and decided to take the subway home because getting a cab near Times Square on a Saturday night just wasn't going to happen. I get onto the platform when a wave of nausea hits me, and I start to hover next to the garbage can. Right before I'm about to puke a guy comes over to me to ask if he's on the correct side of the tracks. I just tell him yes (which was wrong) and puke as he walks away. Not one damn minute later, I'm hanging onto the garbage can and some other shmuck comes up to me and asks me if this is the uptown side!!! I mean, really people? Was everyone else on the platform so damn scary that your only alternative was to ask the vomitting girl for help? Or, how about looking at the enormous signs all over the subway!!

A Salt and Battery

This morning I was crossing the street (in the crosswalk - with the light!) when a salt truck about 10 feet away from me turned on it's jet-powered salt sprayer and pelted me with rock salt, ruining my clothes. It was a super awesome way to start the day! That was a first for me. I've been splashed by cars driving into puddles, but never have I been a-SALT-ed. Wacka, wacka, wacka! Kill me.

I feel a draft

Yesterday was the No Pants Subway Ride, an annual event organized by an improv comedy troop where people ride the subway in their underwear. I actually think it's a brilliant and hilarious idea, but I have a feeling if I was actually on the subway with pantsless dudes it wouldn't be all that hot and sexy. There's no rule that says you actually have to a) have a good body or b) wear clean underwear to participate.

When the shit goes down, you better be runnin'

Last night a woman was shot in the neck just around the corner from my apartment by her angry ex-boyfriend. It happened around 11:30pm. Luckily, I wasn't anywhere near here at that time. I'll remind everyone, I live in a "fancy" part of town. Also, the only reason I knew this even happened was because I read it on Gothamist.

And the crazy shall inherit the Earth

It's that time of year where every crazy person in NYC wants to preach about Jesus. Yesterday, I got on the subway and a guy was shouting absolute gibberish about Jesus. The next thing I know he changes gears to talking about Mike Tyson; two subjects with a lot in common of course. I mean, I'm pretty sure Jesus had a face tattoo and beat the shit out of people for money. So, pretty much nothing this guy said made sense but I did almost pee myself when, in reference to Mike, he kept saying, "I love me some big ones. I love the big ones." over and over again. I guess me and this guy have something in common after all.